Caddy Shack Omaha

The Art Of Eating A Cheeseburger

There’s nothing more tragic than going for a big bite of a juicy burger and watching the patty slide out of the bun and the burger fall apart into a massive mess on your plate. The juices spatter, the cheese oozes one way and the lettuce goes another way. You’re left with nothing but soaked hands and an empty mouth.

This is what it looks like right before disaster strikes:

Art Of Eating A Cheeseburger

While there are others shockingly, eat this classic dish with–brace yourself–a fork and knife. So you do not make the same mistakes, here are directions to properly eat a cheeseburger:

  1. Assume a seated position. If you need to put your elbows on the table for balance, I won’t judge you.
  2. You place your thumbs and pinky underneath the burger, and your remaining fingers on top of the bun. You’ll need both hands — so make sure to put the burger down if you need a fry — and you don’t want to squeeze the burger too tight.
  3. If you fear ketchup stains, position the cheeseburger approximately 180 degrees from your shirt.
  4. Eat. Enjoy.

*Directions may vary for hamburgers.